Red or Blue?

If you are on Facebook, then I’m sure you’ve seen it, the meme showing two pills, a red one and a blue one. Take the red one and you jump to 45 get 50 million dollars, take the blue one and restart your life at 10 years old with all the knowledge you currently have.

I’ve seen it pop up a couple of times before but this last time…I found myself contemplating the question. Red or Blue? Which choice would I make?

See, lately I’ve been feeling…well…old! Instead of thinking of all the things I want to do in my life – thoughts have been more along the lines of…please god, 20 more years isn’t going to be enough. In twenty years, I’ll be the age my Dad was when he passed.

Our lives have shifted from thinking about a limitless future, to thoughts of making it till retirement, making responsible, well thought out (too well thought out) life choices so we hopefully will be ok in retirement.

I feel like the spontaneity and jubilance of youth has given way to practicality and caution.

And it’s not just thinking about the future, but the internal breakdown of the body that’s started. It’s the visible wrinkles, spots, and chin hair that greet me in the mirror each morning, or the audible creeks and groans I hear whenever I stand up.

I remember being told at 40, “You’ll be needing glasses now”. I felt pretty cocky because that wasn’t what happened…at 40…or 41…or 44. This year though – suddenly, I can’t read shit. I have so many readers scattered around the place, I think they are spontaneously reproducing. I carry a pair in my purse so I can read menus, there is a pair by the bed so I can read my phone, a pair on the desk, a pair in the medicine cabinet so I can pull those chin hairs, and so on. I gave up on plucking my own eyebrows, how can I pluck when I can’t see them without the glasses and the darn glasses are in the way. So once a month, I pay a gal, much younger than I, to take care of my eyebrows. There are glasses by the computer and another pair by the painting easel. And why do I have so many pairs? Because I walk away with them, set them down and can’t remember where they are next time I need a pair. And I just refuse to get a chain so they hang around my neck. I’m middle aged, not grandma aged…yet. Although, peering over the top of the readers to see the TV, sometimes makes me feel like an elderly lady, all be it a pretty hip one. Hip, is that still considered a cool word?

My husband is the same way, we both lost our close sight this year. So now we’re that couple, sitting at the restaurant, passing a pair of readers back and forth, taking turns reading the menu.

I can say one thing I’ve taken from all this getting older crap, each day is precious, so I’m trying to make the most of each one I get.

So, which would you take? The red, or the blue?

lifeNancy MurtyComment